Sweats to Suits Your transition from campus to the workplace

Somewhere over the Rainbow

Several recent events inspired me to write a blog entry focused on the LGBT community, not the least of which was the recent repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” legislation.  Hooray!!!

For those of you still familiarizing yourselves with the nuances of this community (which is most of us, myself included), please note that several acronyms are more widely accepted.  Honestly, I was under the impression that GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgendered) was the most PC term to use these days, but I have since viewed or heard quite a few sources citing the acronym as LGBT.  You may also see LGBTQ or LGBTQA, where the Q stands for questioning (or queer, which was the preferred term mentioned by a left-leaning friend I lunched with yesterday) and the A for Allied.  Any of the four aforementioned acronyms will probably cover you when addressing members of this community.

I attended an Allies training a few weeks ago on my campus and in light of recent events I thought I would take advantage of the opportunity to share some of what I learned with you.  To begin, the Allies group on my campus “was formed by faculty, staff, and students with the intention of providing visible, tangible support for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning members of the [university] community.  I now have a rainbow-hued placard proudly displayed on my office door to let students know that I am a safe and inclusive resource.

A Few Myths

One of the first exercises we covered in the training involved dispelling some myths and assumptions about LGBT individuals.  Most of these seemed ridiculous to me, but I felt one was worth highlighting here:  “Coming out is a one-time process.” Although I consider myself to be a culturally sensitive individual, this one was a wake up call for me – as in I previously (and naïvely) thought that when you’re out, you’re out. In our training we talked about how coming out is often a continuous life-long process, from doctor visits, to community meetings, to more challenging experiences like applying for jobs and starting new relationships.  LGBT individuals must make a conscious effort to decide if they want to come out in every new situation.  I can’t even fathom how challenging it would be for someone with a mouth even half as big as mine to conceal so much of his or her personal life in new social situations and at work.  To learn more, read this 10 Anti-Gay Myths Debunked article published by the Southern Poverty Law Center, which addresses most of the myths covered by my training.

Changing Your Assumptions

Our leader challenged us to think about how we approach our interactions differently by not assuming that those with whom we are speaking are heterosexual.  Instead of asking someone “what kind of guy are you looking for” (this assumes you already have some level of comfort interacting with this person) try asking “what do you look for in a partner/significant other”.  Try not to assume that just because someone is “single” that he or she is not engaged in a committed life-long relationship with a same-sex partner.  This person may very well be in such a relationship, but for obvious reasons may not acknowledge the relationship with co-workers.  Other actions you can take to avoid alienating LGBT colleagues or fellow students include using general language when publicizing guests for events (e.g. not “special couples pricing”).  I just received an email requesting volunteers for a “spouse panel” for my MBA program, and I intend to mention to the person coordinating the panel discussion that the title needs to be changed.  We can also be sensitive to the fact that LGBT individuals of underrepresented racial or ethnic minority groups often struggle with which identity will take precedence.  We are quick to box people into categories – resist the temptation to do so!

Supporting Others

What can you do to make sure that your LGBT colleagues know that you are a safe sounding board?  Here’s a short list to get you started:

• Join any affinity groups your organization offers which support the LGBT community.
• DO NOT permit homophobic comments or jokes.  Raise an objection and help build a safe environment for everyone.
• Use inclusive language, like partner or significant other, instead of wife or husband.
• Educate yourself by attending cultural events sponsored by the gay community in your area, by attending meetings and training sessions offered by your diversity task force or affinity groups, and by reading up on legislation changes which impact LGBT community members.
• If you don’t have a diversity task force – ask to start one!  Perhaps you can be a voice for your colleagues.
• Take a RISK and a STAND.  Meet openly gay individuals and ask questions.  Then challenge the assumptions of others and seek to educate them.

So, how have things changed now that I have this newfound knowledge and placard on my door?  Well… several students I work with regularly shared that they have directed LGBT business students to me for career guidance.  While working on a project, some of my MBA classmates commented on the sign and it led to a lengthy conversation through which I challenged their assumptions about LGBT individuals.   One of my colleagues, upon acknowledging my Ally certification, shared some information about organizations which made the Out for Work Hot List, a corporate employment index for LGBTQ college students, which I have since been sharing with the population I serve. I still have a lot to learn (and perhaps you do too), but I hope this is a good start.

A long, but good Career Blunder: Shortly after I started my job as a career counselor, I had a tough charge…an openly gay and very flamboyant student (let’s call him Joey) who was pursuing full-time opportunities with several large (and VERY conservative) employers after having been rejected from said employers as an intern candidate.  Fortunately, one of these employers (X) lost its interview records (I know this because the recruiter told me – yikes!) and inadvertently gave Joey a second chance to interview.  Joey emailed me on a Friday that I was out of the office on vacation to tell me that he had an interview that Monday with Employer X.  He was ecstatic and totally freaked out at the same time since the same person would interview him who screened him for an internship.

Out of the goodness of my heart (I work in education now, not corporate America) I called him from my cell phone in between airport connections and gave him several stern pieces of advice including purchasing a conservative suit and shoes from the Men’s Warehouse after enlisting the support of a boring and conservatively dressed sales associate.  I also suggested getting a friend who landed a job with X to conduct a serious mock interview with him over the weekend.  I directed him toward several of my blog entries and told him to relax as he was practically hyperventilating with fear and excitement.  I also offered to meet with Joey first thing Monday morning to prep him as much as I could on the spot.

You can imagine my utter frustration and disappointment when Joey walked into my office (45 minutes later than promised – I am not a morning person and was thoroughly P.O.’d that I came in extra early for him) wearing a skin tight cotton blend fitted designer suit with a flashy Gucci belt and pointed Italian leather shoes.   To top it all off, he smelled like he bathed in Drakkar and appeared to have used enough hair gel to fill an 8 oz. measuring cup!  I knew it was hopeless then, but wished him luck and prayed that the interviewer would be sick and that he could interview with the recruiter instead.

As expected, Joey did not make it through the Monday interview. He was devastated, but we worked together to help him seek out some unique opportunities where he could leverage his coursework and experience, but not have to pretend to be someone he is not.  He is very excited about what lies ahead and I hope that he will seek out opportunities to mentor others in his [fine Italian leather] shoes down the road.