What’s love got to do with it?
To quote the very talented Tina Turner…what’s love got to do with it? Well, a whole lot if we’re talking about the job search process. My OB professor once inquired of my classmates and me “What are some criteria used to determine hiring and promotional decisions?” I promptly raised my hand to respond “likability” amongst my classmates’ more logical replies of “qualifications” and “past performance”. At first my prof had that “you are incorrect” look on his face, but then he paused for a moment and shortly thereafter acknowledged the truth in my sarcastic, yet true claim. This is my second post on why the job search process is like dating (check out the first love post here) AND on why likability is so important:
If they want you, you’ll know it
I hate to play gender stereotypes here, but I’m going to do it anyway. Ladies, how many of you eventually knew you had been “dumped” by a someone because he or she just stopped calling you? Men, how many of you lost interest in a prospective dating partner and decided not to call instead of actually giving this person the courtesy of letting them know you are no longer interested? You don’t have to answer that. It’s rhetorical – and it’s the same thing with employers. I often tell students, if an employer is interested in you, they will make an extra effort to get to know you and provide you with updates on the status of your candidacy. It’s not all that different from the messaging I share with my single girlfriends – when it’s right, it’s easy. Same thing with the job search, folks.
If you are high maintenance, it is not going to work out
Instead of studying linear programming on Saturday night (like the diligent student I should be), I hung out with a bunch of girlfriends. This time, I strategically positioned myself near the single women. I love my friends, but I couldn’t help but wonder if some of the conversation around the four C’s (i.e. cut, clarity, color, and carat weight) with regard to their desired (more like minimum requirements) future engagement ring specs, was indicative of the unrealistic criteria they were using to evaluate prospective “candidates”. I recognize that I am basically from Pluto because I didn’t want an engagement ring myself, but I do know that when excessive demands are placed on the relationship it’s a recipe for disaster. The same thing goes for the job search. If you set unrealistic expectations around what your employer can do for you or if you ask for special privileges in the recruitment process before you even start a job, you are asking to “get dumped.”
First impressions are critical
I can’t even count on my hands the number of times I did not select a student for an interview (when I was still a recruiter) because he or she gave off a less than stellar first impression. From low energy to sweaty palms to inappropriate attire, the reasons why a candidate may not be selected for an interview are numerous – AND who says there even has to be a reason? Is it the same in love…sometimes we just don’t click with someone else even if he or she appears “perfect” on the surface. One of my college friends kept trying to find a Russian and Jewish soul mate (talk about needle in a haystack). Many seemingly perfect candidates crossed her J-Date home page, but they were mostly mediocre with a few dismal candidates. For the record, she ended up with a wonderful guy who fit neither criteria and they couldn’t be happier. If it doesn’t feel right at the beginning (i.e. they aren’t enamored with you and vice versa), it probably isn’t.
First Impression Blunder: I was thrilled to discover (after reviewing her LinkedIn profile) that the instructor for my presentation class works in a capacity related to one of the six roles I may want to play in my vocational future. I replied to her instructional email meant to prepare us for the first class, mentioning my interest in her work, telling her how interested I was in speaking with her, and asking her if my “Job Search=Dating Process” topic was appropriate for our first class presentation.
Fast forward to 24 hours before the first class – still no response. I sent another email inquiring about a study guide some of our classmates in other sections had received – nada, no response to that message either. An important side note is that professors for my MBA program are expected to reply to emails promptly since we work full-time and can’t make it to office hours (well, I could since I work on campus, but that is neither here nor there). So… I went into the class annoyed that she had not responded to my emails and it overshadowed my perception of her going forward.
Moral of the Story: It doesn’t matter how great the instructor was…my image of her was tarnished. Perception is everything in the job search. I wanted to “love” this instructor, but I still get a little riled up when I think about her ignoring my message. Obviously, I don’t have a lot to offer this instructor from a business perspective – but what if I worked for a target client of hers? She might have lost a major account if I had any level of credibility with said target client! Don’t let this be you! Make employers love you from the beginning and don’t burn your bridges.
I Think I’m Gonna Like it Here
I had the opportunity to go to lunch with two recent college graduates over the holiday break. Both grads started full-time jobs several months ago, so I turned our lunch dates into investigative reports on life on the job, or rather life on a new job. As luck would have it, their high hopes of moving up in the world did not equate to an all expense-paid trip to a Manhattan mansion like it did for Annie. While I was at it, I also asked my network of contacts about lessons they learned within their first few months in a new job. Not surprisingly, the lessons were similar between campus and experienced hires. Perhaps we have short–term memories. Since the New Year is a time for new jobs, I felt that this was an appropriate time to help you remember a few key lessons when embarking a new vocational journey. I hope you find them helpful now or that you file them away for the future. Happy New Year!
Put on a Happy Face
One of the partners I used to recruit for once told a group of new hires, “whatever you’re asked to do or whatever you take the initiative to do on the job – do it well. Whether it’s hole punching or performing SOX (Sarbanes Oxley) testing [important auditor work], give it your all.” We are quick to forget that it takes a lot of time and effort to train someone. If you begin new employment or take on a new role during a busy time of year, you may be asked to take on menial tasks just so that you can be an extra set of hands until someone has time to sit down and show you the ropes. Instead of getting frustrated that your boss or your team haven’t laid out a robust training schedule for you, put on a happy face and do what needs to be done. If you work for good people they will be most appreciative and hopefully eager to show you the ropes as soon as they are “out of the weeds.”
Keep Your Ears Open and Your Lips Sealed 
I used to get so annoyed when my parents would make comments like “You think you know everything at eighteen.” I’ll never give them the satisfaction of acknowledging that I now see some truth in this accusation, but the same idea applies when you’re the new kid on the block at work. It’s better to do more listening than talking. I used to be quick to offer ideas and suggest process improvements when starting a new job. I’ve since learned that a.) I don’t know everything and b.) it is better to first spend time establishing rapport with new colleagues before trying to suggest sweeping changes. Even though your new colleagues may seem set in their ways and it probably frustrates you to no end, there may be a very good reason for why they do the things they do. Give them the benefit of the doubt before getting on their cases. It’s not easy to do, but you will garner their respect and be able to institute more drastic change in the long run.
Solicit Your Own Feedback
Jessica, one of the recent grads I lunched with, shared that she is struggling with not knowing her manager’s perception of her performance. You can probably guess what I asked her when she shared her thoughts with me…”Did you ask her for feedback on your performance?” Jessica replied, “Well, no. Shouldn’t she be giving me positive and constructive feedback on a regular basis?” Ah, spoken like a true millennial. I thought about Jessica’s comments this weekend when I was greeted by my mother-in-law’s Shih-Tzuh. Lap dogs crave positive feedback for every little milestone. If you manage millennials, first remove the image of a small fluffy dog from your mind and then try to remember that they need both positive and constructive feedback often and on a timely basis. I advised Jessica to ask her supervisor if they can block time on their calendars each week to discuss Jessica’s performance and to “check in.” I’ll get back to you on how things turn out with Jessica and her meeting request.
Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer
In any new situation, work included, it is better to play your cards close to your vest. For those of us who are risk averse and know nothing of card games, I mean that you should reveal few opinions of others until you take the time to get to know who your real friends are at work. Roommate Blunder: I had one suitemate my freshman year of college, April, who was a real princess (I mean A LOT worse than me). I made the mistake of making one ambiguous comment about her to another suite of girls, one of whom (unbeknownst to me) was in all of the same classes as April. Well, you can see where this is going. April approached me, “gangsta style” and that was the last time I EVER opened my mouth about a colleague, roommate, or student organization member (okay, with the exception of that accidental email I forwarded my sophomore year). I was lucky. I learned this lesson early in my adult life and fortunately April transferred to another university after our first quarter – whew!
Another recent grad I lunched with, Greg, wasn’t so lucky. He started working for a professional services firm several months ago. One of his supervisors was a nightmare. He made the mistake of telling another supervisor about supervisor #1’s controlling behavior. Wouldn’t you know it…the day he got back on supervisor #1’s job she monitored him even more – checking his computer every hour or so to make sure he wasn’t on the internet or using his company’s instant messaging tool, even though he was giving her advice on how to complete her work in the next breath. I advised Greg to seek out contacts outside his company until he determined whom he could really trust. Then, I suggested he befriend his HR contact (and fast) to get off that job as soon as possible. I would advise you to do the same (the keeping your mouth shut part), regardless of the situation.
Home[work] for the Holidays
When I wrote about my family’s Thanksgiving gathering a few weeks ago, I failed to mention that I used schoolwork as an excuse to avoid uncomfortable conversations with my family. At any inkling of biological clock ticking pressure or conversation around politics, I immediately retreated to the office or to the kitchen (glass of wine in hand) where I proceeded to wash the dishes for all fifteen guests. When my sister-in-law tried to intervene by taking the dishrag away from me I confronted her guilt head on: “I am not washing these dishes to be nice. I am washing them to avoid the conversation in the other room.” Her reply: “Well in that case, have at it!” and she handed the sponge right back to me.
I bring up this story for two reasons – a.) you may be able to use your job search process or networking efforts as a family avoidance tactic in the coming week, in which case I will provide you with some homework to make it easy on you and b.) I went to a Difficult Conversations-themed Lunch & Learn last week (sponsored by my university’s HR department) and even though I will not be seeing my family this week, there is no reason you shouldn’t benefit from what I learned. Perhaps I can even use some of it next Thanksgiving instead of being Cinderella!
Holiday Homework
1. Let’s start with the homework. Regardless of where you are with your job search process, the holidays are a great time to re-connect with your network of contacts. If you have the mental stamina to write holiday cards to everyone in your network, more power to you. (My husband and I are producing a video – stay tuned for it in the coming weeks). For the rest of us slackers, email communications are just fine. Let people know where you are in your profession and if applicable, that you would like to make a plan to meet up for coffee or lunch in the New Year. Keep in mind that people are in a giving mood this time of year – use it!
2. I also think this is a good opportunity to set up search agents on the big job search engines as well as smaller ones particular to your field or industry of interest. Even if you’re not looking, it’s still a good idea to know what is out there at all times as well as who is hiring. While you’re at it, cruise the websites of organizations of interest and see what positions they have posted. The holidays are a time of job transition, meaning if you are thinking about making a move, others probably are too. Expect to see more job postings in the coming months.
3. Last, but certainly not least, use this time to enhance your LinkedIn profile and your on-line brand. See my People who need People blog entry for some quick LinkedIn tips. Think about creating a Twitter account if you don’t already have one to follow companies or organizations of interest. If you are putting yourself out there, you will eventually get noticed!
Difficult Conversations
Increase objectivity and resourcefulness by writing things down: Our speaker (Jeff) asked us to write down the top five stimuli in our lives that create stress and reactivity. Then, he asked us if we felt better after we did so. I am pretty sure I let out a sigh of relief! Jeff shared that when you write things down, you break the bubble of denial and add one more degree of objectivity to the situation at hand. We separate emotional from cognitive processing and then we arrive at better and more objective decisions. Translation: write down what makes you crazy about your family/colleagues/friends etc. and then start to think about how to approach your next conversation.
Manage your response to stimuli by being proactive rather than reactive: Raise your hand if you ever were so angered by an email, voice mail, or offhand comment that you immediately fired back a nasty retort. I’ll bet a lot of you raised your hands. Guilty as charged here too since I grew up in a household where speaking before internalizing was commonplace. Translation: The next time you get fired up about something, stop, take a deep breath, and try to focus on the intent of the messenger. My high school U.S. history teacher used to have these signs all over the drab walls of his classroom that read, “it’s the Message, not the Method.” Although he was trying to get us to see past his dry lectures, here the point is that we get lost in the tone of a message even if the message itself or the intent are legitimate and positive. Stated simply, most people will not intentionally try to upset you. Look for the deeper meaning and give them the benefit of the doubt before jumping all over their case.
Don’t Be a Victim – Clarify Intent: Asking questions is the best way to understand the intent behind someone’s comments. It is easy to say that your Aunt Jane is a nightmare and it’s just easier to ignore everything that comes out of her mouth (since it’s always in a nasty tone anyway). Since you have already assigned a negative intent to her, you will likely approach her by going on the defensive. For a change, try using diagnostic language and seek to clarify the intentions of your relatives, i.e. seek to understand before seeking to be understood. You cannot change others’ behavior, but you can influence relationships and outcomes.
Final Tips for Difficult Conversations
1. Speak face to face and privately (if possible)
2. Assume the best in others (this is really hard, but you should try)
3. Use tentative (rather than accusatory) language
4. Share facts, not conclusions
5. Ask your conversation partner for his or her point of view
6. Treat this individual as you would treat your other colleagues/family members
Career Blunder: Since we are short on space here, I will remind you of a former career blunder of my own. This time last year, I was ready for professional change. I used every spare moment to focus on my job search and networking. I was embarrassed and astounded to see old messages from networking contacts in LinkedIn from two years prior (to which I had not responded)! Please don’t let this be you and please learn from my mistake. Keep those networks as warm as the stockings by your fire, lights on your menorah, or [insert your own warm, fuzzy holiday memory here].
Happy Holidays and Happy Job Searching too!
It’s a Hard Knock Life
Annie was the first Broadway character I worshiped. When my parents eventually tired of reading my favorite book, “It’s a Surprise Party for Kate”, they put the Annie soundtrack on my Panasonic tape recorder until I fell asleep.
The lyrics to “Hard Knock Life” (from Annie, not the Jay-Z or Dr. Evil versions) came to mind a few weeks ago during a conference I attended for career advising professionals. I had the opportunity to view the interactions between Directors and their team members and I also attended sessions which touched on the changing dynamic of the workplace, particularly around generational differences. My team dynamic observations at the conference were further internalized after three and a half hours of Org. Behavior class, focused on power, influence, and leadership.
Perhaps your boss doesn’t yell at you to make the floors of your workplace “shine like the top of the Chrysler building”, as Mrs. Hannigan did to the girls in her orphanage in Annie, but you have most certainly experienced some level of stress at work related to your boss or your fellow employees (if you haven’t, please let the rest of us know where you work so that we can submit an application).
So what are the qualities embodied by a good manager or supervisor versus a bad one? I of course of have my own opinions, but this time I decided to seek answers from the second most reliable source after Wikipedia – Facebook! I asked friends and former colleagues to answer this question, (and privately email me their responses) and I’ve included many of their responses below.
My Worst Boss…
definitely assumed he was a level above what he really was…had me do all the work and he took all the credit! micromanaged, like from a rung on a ladder as opposed to being part of the team.
is most definitely the one I have now – Yikes! I wasn’t expecting this exercise to be so cathartic for some!
did not provide any performance goals and then became upset when we didn’t meet his expectations!
yelled at me (in front of senior management) for forgetting to make a nametag for someone and on another occasion she called me while I was on vacation to ask about the location of nametags. I HATE nametags!
was a micro manager and extremely anal. She talked down to all. And it was her way or the highway. She put her nose in everything, other departments, other meetings, etc.
she had bad communication skills, she did not listen, and she did not think things through, which set us all up to fail.
she was so stingy with positive feedback, even after I told her it was important to me to hear that I was doing a good job.
she was quick to throw those she managed under the bus, which meant there was no trust.
made two of my employees cry based on his tendency to blow up. He was so bad he single handedly lost the contract that accounted for 85% of the business.
set me on pins and needles every time I took a vacation day, expecting “an emergency” to blow up at any minute.
had ZERO tone and approach. She was so terse in her communication style that people left as a result of it.
If you have this boss, run screaming to HR: She crossed the line all the time with personal comments. "If you weren't dating him -- I would so hit that!" or my personal favorite mortification -- look at the new bra I got last night!
My Best Boss…
took the time to explain the big picture + details, was genuinely interested in my growth and development, and didn’t mind rolling up his sleeves to help out when workload was too heavy to handle. – AMEN TO THAT!
promoted honesty - it's the best and when it's not there, it's the worst.
let me take on additional responsibility, but made sure I had the resources to succeed – and she ALWAYS gave me the credit for a job well done.
invested time to teach me new skills and encouraged me to get different certifications.
took time to recognize, reward, and celebrate our accomplishments and hard work, like leaving a note on my chair for an afternoon off whenever I wanted to use it.
always remembered what everyone was working on and if we were asked to do something additional -- she would go to bat for us saying something else needed to be moved in priority to compensate. LOVED that she knew how to make others prioritize the "emergencies". 
took the time to establish rapport with my team before jumping into making process improvements and job responsibility changes.
always congratulated subordinates on a job well done and encouraged them to think outside the box.
Just Funny
wore socks with holes in them - it was just super odd and creepy especially since we are compensated enough to buy decent clothes!
made me go on a wretched Physical Inventory during a peak busy time that was in a not-safe place and then requested that I drive back and work first thing in the morning. (I was made to drive back from a campus in a snowstorm once. I ended up stopping half way back to town at a hotel mid-blizzard and felt NO guilt about treating myself to a fancy dinner and BIG dessert)
set his email notification sound to Chewbacca from Star Wars so it made this horrid sound every time he got an email.
once talked about lip gloss for a half hour when we were supposed to be having a productive meeting.
beat his computer as if he were playing the drums.
is only middle-aged, but acts like an old woman!
Had a nasal voice like Fran Drescher – like nails on a chalkboard!
offered unsolicited personal advice, like how I should meet guys. Eww!
Moral of the Story: Not surprisingly, I received far more “bad boss” responses than responses related to good managers or supervisors. What does this mean for you? If you do have supervisory responsibility over others, take note of the comments above and think about what you are doing to foster a positive work environment and the steps you are taking to develop your employees. If you are on the “bottom rung” of the professional ladder, take advantage of the positive moments to coach your boss or offer constructive feedback. If the relationship is beyond repair, start referencing some of my other blog entries about the job search and start networking. You spend WAY too much of your life at work to be miserable. Get out there! Once you do start interviewing again, compose a very good list of situational interview questions to ask your prospective boss before interviewing for your next job.
Career Blunder: You may or may not have heard about Dawnmarie Souza, the woman who was (recently) illegally fired over Facebook remarks. Although the National Labor Relations Board considered Souza’s comments protected speech, I hope it goes without saying (but it probably doesn’t) that you should not slander your employer over the Internet. Even making comments as “harmless” as “I’m so bored that my co-workers and I are having chair spinning contests” can be detrimental to your career. For the record, this was a legitimate Facebook post I viewed. Moral of the story: BE CAREFUL about any work-related comments you put on your Facebook profile. To be completely safe, don’t ever post anything work-related – shouldn’t you be working at work anyway???
London Calling
Ever since my grandparents introduced us to Oliver on VHS, I was enamored with the United Kingdom. This interest only heightened as I learned about the Top Shop, the abundance of Indian cuisine, and the numerous clever expressions common to this far off land (mostly from the chick lit authors I discovered over the years).
I finally took my first trip “across the pond” last November (see obligatory phone booth photo above). Upon our arrival at Heathrow airport, I told my husband “all I want to do is eat Indian food, ride the tube, and listen to people speak with a British accent.” He replied, “Joy, we can probably accomplish those action items in the first 30 minutes.” We did, in fact do all of those things in the first 30 minutes AND we saw Oliver on stage during the trip! Keeping all of this in mind, you can imagine my excitement when a UK-based career coaching firm, Position Ignition, recently emailed me and asked to post a guest entry on Sweats to Suits. London calling, indeed…
Guest Blog Entry from: Position Ignition
Here in London, college graduates and school-leavers are finding the job market to be as tough as it is for all of you across the pond. You know how it is-there’s a higher number of school and college graduates every year, and there’s a backlog of jobless graduates in light of the recent recession and the inevitable high unemployment rates.
Over here in the UK, our welfare system is actually presenting additional challenges in the aftermath of the financial crisis. Changes to the values of state pensions and the Government’s phasing out of our default retirement age means more senior people are staying on in the labour market, making it even more competitive for younger folks.
However, wherever you are in the world, there’s always something you can do to increase your chances of landing a job as a new (or older) graduate. Here are our top 11 tips for school and college leavers:
1. BE HONEST
Be honest with yourself about what you’re great at, and what you’re not so good at. If you get a job that plays to your strengths you will succeed more quickly, earn more money and live a happier, better balanced life.
2. BE CLEAR
You may have completed a school careers test that gave you some ideas about what you should do for a job. Either way, you need to find out where to focus your energies for your job hunt. A scattergun approach will likely miss your target.
3. BE QUICK
Did your parents say annoying things to you like “The early bird catches the worm!?” Well, in this case, your parents were right! You’ll be competing for jobs with oodles of other very organised people and you’ve got to get in there quick. Job applications may only be open for a very short while.
4. BE yoUNIQUE
Try to think about what sort of person you appear to be to someone who doesn’t know you. What is it about you that makes you you? You know you’re unique, now you’ve got to prove you’re unique to interviewers. They won’t want another clone – they’ll want someone who will do things differently, break new ground and new frontiers-show them that that’s you.
5. GET ‘WITH IT’
The world will never stand still, so you can’t either. If somehow your I.T. classes passed you by at school and you’ve found yourself as good on a computer as your mother, it’s time to get up to date. Do a touch-typing course, start tweeting, get a smart phone.
6. CONNECT
Schooling rarely teaches current affairs well but as you enter the job market, you’ll find it essential that you’re up to date with what’s going on in your field of interest. So, whether you’re reading the latest Apple blog, Farming Weekly magazine or The Economist tweets, stay connected with the world that you want to be a part of.
7. GET FEEDBACK
Often it’s hard to be objective and look at yourself and say what’s good about you, but you’ll need to get good at talking and writing about what you’re great at. You may be able to imagine this on your own, if not, ask your friends, teachers, family or other adults to be honest about how you come across. Be brave and ask them all to write down three things you’re great at, and three things you’re not so great at, so you know what needs practice!
8. LEARN TO SELL
You’re going to have to develop that skill because you’ll be selling yourself in interviews and for job promotions for ever more! Even if you decide to set up your own business you’ll be selling your services to your customers – you can’t get out of it, so get into it!
9. SHARE YOUR PLAN
You know how if you secretly make a plan to go for a run, but no-one will know if you don’t, so when it rains it’s an easy decision not to? Don’t let your career planning go un-heard of either. Tell your parents, your friends, or a career guide what your plans are to ensure you’re held accountable and are motivated to achieve your goals.
10. VOLUNTEER
It’s a competitive market so it’s highly likely you’ll have to spend some time working for free in order to gain the experience that lets you stand out from the crowd. So volunteer on a cancer helpline, crew a yacht for someone or do virtual research as a marketing intern. Whatever your target career, give your time for free and it’ll often blossom into opportunity.
11. NETWORK
“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know” rings true now more than ever in a difficult market. Don’t be shy, be brave. Make a list of all the people you know (it’ll be a big list!) and then think about who they might know that might be able to help you get a foot in the door of your chosen career. Maybe your parent’s friend works in a Sea Life centre and you want to be a marine biologist, or your friend’s brother works for a Law firm you’d like to volunteer at? People are usually flattered to be asked and very glad to help.
Nisa Chitakasem -Founder of Position Ignition, a UK-based modern day careers advisory firm for professionals offering help around careers, transition and personal & professional development
How to find Position Ignition:
Website: www.positionignition.com
Blog: www.positionignition.com/blog
Twitter: http://twitter.com/posignition
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/PositionIgnition
Career Blunder for the Week: Nisa’s comments in #1 reminded me of a student (we’ll refer to as Kelly), I met with a while back who seemed to be denying her true passion. Kelly had declared Accounting as her major based on her proficiency with the coursework. Kelly’s resume and portfolio of experiences told a different story. All of her work experience was sales and recruiting-related. She loved to sell people on her campus, her sorority, and on various consumer products and services. Over the course of my career, I have observed many young people turn to careers in professional services because they excelled in their classes or because they heard not-so-subliminal “job security” themed messages from their parents. Many of these young professionals reached out to me for advice upon my move to career counseling because they are exhausted by the data-intensive elements of the job and are starved for more interpersonal interaction. Seeing the proverbial writing on the wall, I encouraged Kelly to pursue two internships, one in recruiting or sales and one in Accounting. Not surprisingly, Kelly enjoyed her internship in sales much more and decided to forego Accounting as a career path and accepted a full-time position in sales. Moral of the Story: “To thine own self be true”